Goal 5. Navigate
Feel as you want
The first step to the richness and freedom of feeling the way you want is to recognize that you are fully responsible for your feeling. Only then can you take ownership of it. Then you can learn to navigate step by step to how you want to feel. As soon as you can do this, you are in control of your feelings. It is not other people, circumstances or situations that are in charge, but you. For many people this requires practice.
We sometimes think that our feelings are determined by something outside us. That is not true. You decide how you feel and you do that with your thoughts. Things outside of you can be triggers that trigger something in you and invite you to respond. You often react automatically and unconsciously. You can also do this consciously by taking a short distance and choosing your thoughts at rest. You can develop this skill so that you learn to navigate to the feeling you want.
Since your thoughts determine your feelings, you can find out what you are thinking by paying attention to your emotions. They give you important information about it. What’s up with that?
Something is happening, an event or situation that is triggering something in you. Then your thoughts create an emotional response to it. Your beliefs, values and previous thoughts about comparable situations often have a major influence on this, especially when you respond automatically. They are often pre-baked thoughts.
If you manage not to react immediately, but to take a step back and go beyond your first thoughts, you can be more neutral in thoughts and influence what you think and how you feel. With the necessary practice you can also react without prejudices, assumptions, judgments, resistances or historical load.
It is better to ask yourself what you really think at the moment. You can consciously choose what thoughts you have about what triggers you. You then choose an (alternative) viewpoint on what is happening. This way you influence how you feel and with which emotion and intensity you react. As long as what you think about a situation is in line with your wishes or needs, you feel good. If not, you don’t feel well. The more intense and extreme your thoughts, the more intense your emotions.
The art of feeling good is therefore mainly in having thoughts that correspond to your desires and needs. This becomes easier once you have lived through and processed your past. Then those old experiences influence you less. But it is often the case that your first response reflects your thought patterns or unmet needs from your past. Automatic, emotional reactions that don’t feel right are usually only a response to what’s going on now. As a rule, emotions indicate that your thoughts about something are outside your “neutral zone”. Things then seem to “touch” you. Emotions tell you where you stand and whether something is important to you. Feel them without resistance as soon as they occur and as far as you can. With this they disappear again.
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